In loving memory of Jake

Today marked the 3rd anniversary of you death Jake....a few weeks ago I found an old wallet in a box that had your baseball picture from Tyler Jr College on it, (the one where you looked pissed off, a real hard ass) I took it out of the plastic holder to read the back "#1 Stunna, come see me soon!" I smiled and tucked it away in my secret place. I remembered a time when I almost wanted to rip that picture into tiny little shreds...but for some reason I still held on to it. Today I took a trip down memory lane. My freshman year of high school you introduced yourself through instant messenger (as you did with ALL the ladies, I later found out! Jeez...you and Jesse had a lot in common!). I smiled when I remembered one of our conversations. You were explaining to me that one of the benefits of me ever becoming a girlfriend would be that your mother would spoil me rotten as she did with your ex. Nothing wrong with a little bribery eh? (By the way, I finally got my chance to meet your mom at your 1st benefit and she is absolutely amazing!) One night you spent a good hour trying to convince me to come to one of your parties but afraid my big brother would rat on me I declined...so you ditched your own party to come hang out with me and Ash. You earned brownie points with that one.... but lost them when you sent me on a wild goose chase my first year in College Station looking for you. Only to find out you weren't even in town at all and you were only playing a joke on me....god I was so mad that night, but you sure thought you were funny! I ignored your calls after that and I went about a year without talking to you. One day I signed on to instant messenger. JakeJRT21 was always online but getting a message from you was out of the ordinary. You told me you heard I had my first child, and you were so happy for me...before I could even ask about you, you signed off. God I wish I would have asked how you were doing! I don't know what I would have done, could have done but it sure would have been nice just to talk to you for 5 minutes. I had to delete you from myspace because it was too painful to see you. I found myself going to your profile way to often and every time I read "Sorry to everyone that cared." it broke my heart. Yesterday I heard the new Rascal Flatts song, I never really paid attention to it before but finally I listen to the lyrics and I swear they wrote it about you. I wish you were still here...I don't know how good of friends we would have been today but having you and Rachel back would have been better than this. We had many more birthdays we could have shared together! I drive by Spring Woods and imagine you still there, running around that track. I hope that wherever you are right now, you're finally at peace.

"Why" Rascal Flatts

It must have been a place so dark you couldn't feel the light

Reachin for you through that stormy cloud

Now here we are gathered in our little home town

This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why that's what I keep askin

Was there anything I could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking the troubled soul

God only knows what went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old

Around for when you scored the winning run

You always played with passion no matter what the game

When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why that's what I keep askin

Was there anything I could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking the troubled soul

God only knows what went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swayin in the early autumn breeze

The golden sun is shining on my face

The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing

This old world really ain't that bad a place
Oh why there's no comprehending

And who am I to try to judge or explain

Oh but I do have one burning question

Who told you life wasn't worth the fight

They were wrong...They lied....And now you`re gone and we cry
Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song